I’m not sure where this is going

I’ve noticed a recurring statement in my thoughts lately. I’m not sure where this is going.

I like my job, but I’m only 2 months in and I only have a 1 year contract. I’m not sure where this is going.

I love my apartment, it has so much potential. I know my landlords are selling this building, the only purchase I can imagine would “include” the tenants so I’m not worried about being kicked out, but between that and only having a 1 year contract, I’m not sure where this is going.

And then there is this. It has been ages since I have written or posted (nearly 2 weeks exactly), because I just haven’t felt like it or cared to. And I’m not sure if that is a function of the weather finally getting better (as in going from below freezing to 28C overnight last week), still being in lockdown and having no inspiration, or just generally having no inspiration and no will to force myself to write, and just a general lack of stimulation from lockdown.

I also don’t know where this is going. I don’t have any goals for this and I think that may be part of the problem. I thrive on goals and competition, I think that is why I liked school so much, there is always competition and deadlines. And I have deadlines with work but when you work from home you can’t see anyone else’s work, it’s just you and your computer attending these silly little meetings, making silly little infographics, and learning about silly little social media stuff. And all I can think is that I don’t know where this is going.

Which makes it all seem so light, so superfluous, so unimportant; but it also IS my life so I guess that makes it important because we are supposed to be the main characters in our lives and all that guff but like where IS this going??

Anyways, I don’t know what this is (UGH I’m annoyed with myself now- this is so navel gazing!) but I feel a bit better after writing it. Also, it was supposed to be about how I don’t know what I’m doing with this blog and it ended up being much worse lol.

So go off in the comments if you want; it may make you feel better!

Laura