No, like, seriously.

Maybe it’s been that I had vacation coming up, or am now on vacation, or just the increase in Vitamin D production my body has been experiencing lately thanks to living in the Northern hemisphere, but I have been allowing myself to make decisions with my heart and not my head lately. It started with my layover in New York, it did make sense financially and time-wise to not come back to Canada, and it did allow me to participate in some stuff with old friends for the first time in over a decade, but it was also basically only because I wanted to. I fucking love New York, it calls to my soul in a way that literally only Guelph does. And Guelph calling to me makes sense, it’s where I became a grown up, I’ve lived there longer than anywhere but Tennessee, but New York makes no sense. I’ve never lived here, I’ve never even spent an extended period of time here (I’m writing this from JFK, lol) but I feel like the best version of myself here. My highest evolution. And I know that if I lived here I would get bogged down in all that life stuff, that happens everywhere. But I do truly feel like if I did live here, I would thrive. I get energy from the streets. If I trust my instincts I never get lost (it’s when I doubt myself that I get lost). I love the people here. I just feel good here, even when I am literally slick with sweat from my scalp to my toes. I feel so happy here.

And it was the same thing with Taylor Swift. I also fucking love her and her music; and after attending my first concert of hers I love her fans as well. Collective joy is a real thing. I’ve talked before about how one of my other faves Maggie Rogers studied divinity at the graduate level at Harvard and not getting why. What did music, and live music, and being a singer have to do with a graduate degree in theology? But she is right, there is something divine about that level of collective joy and excitement. It is magic, and Taylor Swift is the magician’s magician. There is no one currently performing (except maybe Beyoncé), who seems as happy to be performing, who has reached this level of cult leader, of a god. And before the Beyhive comes for me, I also adore Beyonce, but I don’t see her fans being as obsessive. Which is maybe a good thing. But no matter if you are at Harry Styles, Lana Del Ray, Beyonce, or Taylor, or one of the hundreds of other artists touring this summer, take a moment and tune into the energy of the crowd. Does it feel like coming home? Then that’s the experience of a Taylor show. Is the artist just as excited to be there, night after night after night? Then that is the experience of a Taylor show.

We talk a lot online about “healing our inner child” but lately I feel like I’ve just been living for me. An hour walk one way to the beach so I feel like I can get a Blizzard from the newly opened Dairy Queen? If that’s what feels right. Risking sunburn to float down the lazy river all mid-day with your collegians? Why not. Going down a massive water slide by yourself? Are you a chicken? Buying tickets to Wicked on Broadway at noon for 8pm? Spending $40 USD on espresso martinis because you’re on vacation?

And not all of it has been about spending money. I’ve just been saying yes to things willy-nilly for getting close to a year, and it’s just working out. And it feels right. It feels good. I absolutely know that I do have to tighten the belt come fall, but I think by then that will feel right. It will feel right to prioritize saving money, to hibernate again. But I think that is part of the cycle. You save up to go on vacation, to go to a wedding, to see a Broadway show, to sit next to a pool all day in Arizona, to spend 12 hours in London, and then you come home and you start it again.

Maybe the eventual goal is to have a life you don’t need to do that for, that you don’t need a vacation from, but I also don’t know how realistic that is. I think no matter what you do for work, you are going to want a break eventually. You could be a millionaire movie star, a billionaire CEO, a travel influencer, or a cog in a corporate machine, but eventually you are going to need to not work for a bit.

This got a bit tangent-y, but all of this is just to say that I have been so enjoying all of my life lately. And as I thought to myself at the bar last night waiting for my second espresso martini, deciding that I was going to sneak out to get some banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery, that I am so glad to be single with no kids. I am accountable to no one but the bank for how I spend my money, and isn’t that fantastic?!

Laura